A Selection of Lyrics: Choose My Way

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If it’s cold does that make me lonely
And if it’s warm should that make me smile
And if I feel well just a little bit ornery
Then should I give up
Should I lay down and die
 
What if I’m weak does that make me nobody
Or if I’m strong should that make me the best
What if I’ve dreams that seem a little bit ghostly
Then should I just give up
Is that what you suggest
 
No I choose my way
That’s what I say
I choose my way
 
What if I’m rich does that make me patient
Or if I’m poor should that make me unkind
What if I feel I’ve got no friends to rely on
Then should I just give up
Should I be left behind
 
What if I’m a small child does that make me less than
Than if I’m a man, well should that make me well dressed
What if I feel well just a little bit ordinary
Then should I give up
Is that what you profess
 
No I choose my way
That’s what I say
I choose my way
 
© Emily Coates 2014 All Rights Reserved
 

Honesty

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You do not have to be honest with me
You do not have to write pages of script
Or find fanciful ways of expressing
Your innermost thoughts
You do not have to share
You do not have to give anything to me
Nothing at all
I accept who you are in this moment
And yes there is much I do not know
But there is also much I do
And so I tell you this
You do not have to be honest with me
But for my love of you
I ask you to be
Honest with yourself
Do not listen to this fiendish character
Perched upon your shoulder
Chattering incessantly
Telling you what you need to hear
To soothe your darkest thoughts
Do not fool yourself
You are worth so much more
And what are your prayers for
If not to listen to your spirit
To enlighten you and make you whole
Whatever name you or I choose
However you place your body
I lay mine on the waters of the ocean
With my arms outstretched
And face the skies of heaven
All this serves one purpose
There are angels and we must call to them
To dispel the mythical figure
Who carries the seeds of fear in its wake
And serves to destroy
Everything that is good and true
Do not be honest with me
I am no one in your world
But for my love of you
I tell you now
Be honest with yourself
And call to your God to
Give you the courage to be who you are
For you must know
That this is who he wants you to be
You must know this
I have heard it spoken from your mouth
Even if it was unclear to you
If only I could whisper in your ear
Each night before sleep takes you
I would say
Be honest with yourself
And it will all become clear
 

Obsession

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Obsession stems from frustration
And when I read this in my book
Sense came to me
And I found something better than before
Obsession stems from knowing how things should be
And living among how they are not
In trying to accept the misshapen detail
And looking for a way to function
Among the discordant harmonies
Nature did not intend
Obsession stems from a longing
To change the mediocrity of existence
Seeing the answers presenting themselves so clearly
In the love of the souls around us
But not matching
The outward deeds of the others we call friends
Obsession stems from the undeniable need to alter
All the stories passed down from our fathers before
In a vain attempt to influence
And oppress our facility
To choose our own thoughts
To listen to our inner voice
Who answers in solitude
With grace and love
Obsession stems from the unwavering fear of losing
That which makes perfect sense
Among our communion
With all the saints and sinners
Obsession stems from self
As long as there are tops and turves in this way
Obsession is
And obsession will always be.

Woman

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Do not come too close
For fear you might see me
I want you to swaddle me in new clothes
And allow me freedom
To act out my deepest desires
I do not have the courage to undertake.
In these scenes I create and control
I will make you laugh
I will make you smile and feel good
I will leave a lasting impression
Yes you will think of me
But do not come too close
For then I will push you away
I want you to submerge me in compliment
And feed my need
I cannot do without your adoration
It is my sustenance
Devote yourself to me
I am irresistible to you
My form absolute, unquestionable
But do not come too close
Be careful what you say
For I dictate the direction of our exchange
Worship me in your female form
Hold me in high esteem
Revere and glorify me
Venerate and honour my intellect
My compassion and goodness
My humour abundant in its brilliance
Idolize what I show to you
What I present in my harem of lust
But do not come too close
For then I will push you away

What of The Man

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What of the man who wishes for the desire to hate
Or the man who does not wish to feel
What of the man who is not sensitive to another’s pain
And knows only how to conceal
What he truly is
And what he truly feels
And lives in such a way
That they become his false ideals
And he forgets what once he was
For this is his purpose is it not
To become what he can never be
But still he’ll try and cast out that
Which might expose his pretence, seen
That he is not the laughing clown
Who can keep all things together
And wear a golden crown
That attracts many admirers
Women taken by a smile
This man who has so many words
And knows how to beguile
What of the man who is shown how he behaves
By another just like him
And he does not want for her to know
And he will not allow her in
Obsessed by hate
But buried deep
And if those thoughts allowed to move
Into the recesses of his soul
He will lose all that he has proved
He will surrender his control
And pretence will fall away
Colours will cease to brighten
Enter demons of the day
And everything he knows
In this life that he has built
The people that are in it
Will gently start to wilt
What of this man who hurts another
To protect everything he owns
This man is lost but to himself
His lies now set in stone

 

Words

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It makes me laugh
When I think that words
Can make any difference at all
They are only words
And it is true they can touch a heart
And bring a tear to an eye
These poetic tones that beautify
Even the darkest tales
But they cannot change the turmoil inside any man alive
They cannot make him take out his heart
And look at what lies there
They cannot make him face himself
And all the demons that he holds
For these are only words
Moving about on paper
A dimension of one unfolds
Written with ink
I bring them forth for now
So I can release my pain
Then they will slink back inside
Their glow quenched by life
And I will be lost again
They are only words
And it is true they can touch a heart
And bring a tear to an eye
These poetic tones that beautify
But they cannot change the work a man must do
They cannot make him take out his heart
And look at what is true
They cannot make him face himself
And all the demons that he holds
For they are only words
And it is only words we know

Knowing

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You do not know me
You know only what you perceive
Through fear, and ignorance of thought
You see only in the darkness
And find the missing piece of jigsaw
To complete the puzzle upon which you work
The shade is not quite right
But you make it fit
For you are tired of searching
And now you must rest
You do not know me
You know only what you have learned
Through devotion and prayer
You are steeped in goodness
I found much refuge there
You see everything and nothing at all
You paint upon a blank wall
The same picture time and time again
There is comfort in the known
There is a safety there
And I do not belong
To your simple scenes of kindness and love
I sit with my back to you all
I hear you mute yourself, your shame
No voice to speak
And I who stand and have spoken
I fall and weep

Talia

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I crumble under your words
I feel it coming to me again
The pattern had changed
But I could see you falling into the folds
My tears meant nothing
You knew not of them
Words back and forth
But no eyes to reveal the truth
Betraying touch prevented you
From looking directly at me
And I am left to suffer your desires
I think of you often
My heart sighs & tires
Of a loss that never seems to end
Oh that you found your way to me
And shed your shame & guilt
Let us eat and be merry
Find laughter in nonsense professed
Let us move in silence towards friendship
And trust and nothing less

 

Salvation

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The word God has become empty of meaning through thousands of years of misuse. I use it sometimes, but I do so sparingly. By misuse, I mean that people who have never even glimpsed the realm of the sacred, the infinite vastness beyond that word, use it with great conviction, as if they knew what they were talking about. Or they argue against it, as if they knew what it is they are denying. This misuse gives rise to the absurd beliefs, assertions, and egoic delusions, such as “My or our God is the only true God, and your God is false,” or Nietzsche’s famous statement “God is dead.” 

The word God has become a closed concept. The moment the word is uttered, a mental image is created, no longer, perhaps, of an old man in a white beard, but still a mental representation of someone or something outside you, and yes, almost inevitably a male someone or something. 

Neither God nor Being nor any other word can define or explain the ineffable reality behind the word, so the only important question is whether the word is a help or a hindrance in enabling you to experience That toward which it points. Does it point beyond itself toward some transcendental reality, or does it lend itself too easily to becoming no more than an idea in your head that you believe in, a mental idol?

 – Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

I thought it apt to share here this extract from The Power of Now, because I use the word God in my poem below and it is possible that my usage of the word will be misconstrued. My aim in bringing this to light is to show transparency and to avoid seeming hypocrisy. I wrote this poem some years ago – at a different stage of my development – when I was not as careful with the word. Today, I do not believe in God in any traditional or religious sense. How liberating it is for me to write that here.

There are other words which bother me now in the poem, because I know of their traditional or religious meaning – sin, miracles, angels, heaven – and my usage of them does not reflect these interpretations. I am aware however, that sharing my words relinquishes any assumed control over them, and while I offer them here with Tolle’s above quote, I know that each individual will only see them as they are.

Salvation

I need for God to come and hold me
To shelter me from rain
I need for God to take me in his arms
Allow me to lie there once again
To follow on from whence I came to earth
To separate the twin of fear
I need for God to come and save me
From this echelon of clear forbidden waters
In which I find myself submerged
I need for God to take me from my sin
And wrongful actions purge
I need for miracles and angels
To deliver me from harm
I need for purity and innocence
My useless weapons to disarm
I need exquisiteness and splendour
I need magnificence defined
I need an opening of heart
And a cleansing of my mind
I need for love to wrap me under
Its wings of consequence
I need to take into my arms
My single troubled aberrance
I need to find myself a castaway
On an island filled with calm
I need to listen to the silence
And hold its lessons in my palm
I need to sit and look at nothing
But a sky and sea of blue
I need to lie upon a shore
My salvation to imbue
I need to rest and be immersed
In the remedies I find
I need for God to fill me deeply
To experience mankind
I need belovedness and honour
I need an incident of truth
I need for God to hold me close
Until my bleeding I salute
I need for God to come and hold me
I need for God to take me near
I need his hand upon this journey
As I face his heavenly sphere.
 

Chandelier

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I am a huge fan of contemporary & interpretive dance, and when I first saw this video for Sia’s Chandelier, I was blown away, not just by little Maddie Ziegler’s amazing talent & ability, but by the beautiful and turbulent emotion expressed here throughout. I’ve watched this video too many times to count, and continue to visit it when the mood takes me. Much like the drug Sia speaks about in this song, it leaves me wanting more. It moves me, every time. I love art that can trigger such profound emotions within.
 
I first discovered Sia during a marathon of “Six Feet Under” many years ago, when her song Breathe Me was used in the series finale. From that moment, I fell in love with her voice and her artistry. Her videos are really unique, as she is unashamedly herself. In a day when so many acts in the popular music scene appear as variations on a theme, I find her very refreshing. It also gives me hope when the mainstream music industry is receptive to something of this nature. Perhaps the boxes are breaking open…
 
A lot of people have commented on this video saying they don’t understand it, it freaks them out, and the dance is inappropriate for such a young child. I was really amazed, and somewhat shocked to read these comments, because to me it is such a beautiful work of art, and it perfectly expresses the Universal human struggle. I know the video is about Sia’s personal struggles with alcohol, but I think it can be applied to any human struggle, and the tumultuous commotion inherent in it. I certainly don’t enjoy suffering – in fact I put up serious resistance when in any form of pain – but I don’t believe in running from difficult or excruciating emotions, as they are an essential & valid part of the human experience. I see this song and video as facing and expressing them head-on, which is always incredibly liberating.
 
I also think Maddie Ziegler’s thoughts on her experience of undertaking this dance were great: “it was really out of the box and it expanded me a lot… you just need to let go and feel it.”
 
I know it all comes down to personal perception, yet I can’t help but think that some of these nay-Sayers are simply people who are not willing to feel it (as Maddie put it). At any rate, I love this song and the video, and so had to share it with you here.